believe me

i know life is good
that it is beautiful
that its worth the pain

but knowing it just doesn't help

one day it will be more than knowledge
one day i'll be ok

still my lover won't return

it happened far too quickly
i spent hours begging for peace
gave up when the light came
and now i feel sort of dead on the inside

i'm not sure how to get out of this one
& i don't have any desire,
much less the strength, to get out

i'm sorry friends
i'm afraid i'm shutting down
i'll see you on the other side
if you decide you're willing to put up with this

because i need to be reminded

5 things that people i love do that make me love them more (that was a mouthful!)

1. Ami praying for me in spanish. it made me tear up when she did it this morning.

2. Daniel wrapping his arms around my neck and firmly saying "my tia" is his little 2 year old broken english. i love that i belong to him.

3. Reilynn's musical hugs. nothing better to do when hugging someone than sing.

4. Bethany's random dancing. need i say more?!

5. Sarai calling me sister. makes me feel like i'm not just rachel. i am sister. haha!

music sounds so much better when it makes me think of you

i've been missing you lately
there's a nostalgic feeling
settling in my mind
filling it with thoughts of you
i'm working up schemes to find you
plans of running into you
dreams of making my home with you
cause i like to think that with you is where i belong

and here i go getting all emo and wierd about your being gone
oh for the love!