few things are more difficult than trying to love someone you do not trust & trying to trust someone you do not love

the heart cannot go free til it breaks

 Jenessa Duval via six word story everyday

my heart needed breaking

the kind of breaking that only such a moment could have brought

I knew the danger

I knew the cost

I understood the complications

looked long at all I held in my hands 

I considered it loss

and when it was done you left me with nothing more than the empty thought that you might be wrong, that I might always long for my heart to unbreak from the breaking the moment brought

i'll dance with you there, cheek to cheek

i still wait
i can't say i wait well, but i wait nonetheless
i wait for words
i wait for strength
i wait for him

but he tarries long and i've gone and given all my heart to the wrong dreams, the wrong people, the wrong places and things

i've taken a knife to the back, a blow to heart. the lights have all gone out

but in the dark, in the deep
in my filth and in my despair
he sits with me
he turns his face and sets his eyes in me
he pulls me close to his side
and i remember every word he said
i remember that i am his
he will not leave me
he gives rest and strength
he satisfies

so i wait
in the dark
my crooked hands stained with guilt
my broken heart wracked with pain
i wait for strength
and i wait for light

i will hope in your name
for your name is good

like a tree in winter
my leaves are gone
my limbs are dry and pale
if you pull too hard i will snap
but i feel alive inside
peel away the rough exterior
and you'll see it

vibrant green lies just beneath the surface
waiting for warmth and desperate
to bring forth new leaves
and color branches a deep brown

and though Spring has been spotted in the distance,
slowly dancing her way toward us,
we must be gracious hosts and bear with Winter just a moment longer,
embracing the dormant nature of her visit

rest easy
soon it will be time to grow
and growing things is hard work

speak gently in my silence
when the loud outer noises of my surroundings
and the loud inner voices of my fears
keep pulling me away from you,
help me to trust that you are still here
-hn

under the influence of a certain mister frost

i've gone away from earth for a while
climbed the dark branches of a birch
& got as close as i could to heaven

now the branches bend
and as they inch closer to earth
under the weight of my not-quite-as-heavy heart
i resolve to start again
because...
earth's the right place for love
i don't know where it's likely to go better

still and small

he whispers in the quiet moments
reminds me that I am his
promises that he hasn't left me without hope

hope in the lord; for with the lord there is mercy and with him there is abundant redemption

it is much easier to believe it these days
thanks be to God

when hope is lost. when there is no light. when you've laid one more dream to rest. when you draw another painful breath from aching empty lungs. when peace becomes a stranger. when you can't shake the feeling you've done everything wrong.
you must convince yourself that it's worth it to try all over again
to wake up day after day and seek
and when you've sought until there's nothing left
wait
because you're not dead yet. because as long as there's breath in your lungs and blood in your veins you can know that there remains a chance for redemption.

it's just a change in pace

i used to believe this
really, I did
but things change
things like time and people and motives
everything and everyone comes only to go
and you forget what it feels like to have and hold
the world was never ours to change
it was and is only ours to be fruitful in
and sure in doing that it changes
but i've done some fruitful things
and i've done some un-fruitful things
but those things never changed the world
if anything they've kept it from changing
so i will embrace change
because it's the only constant
because if we are fruitful, the right change will come
and that's the only change worth anything