i know i promised songs.
it was foolish
because now i'm stuck with an incessant cough
and no one wants to hear a three minutes of music
stitched throughout 10 minutes of coughing
so instead i'll offer some thoughts...

it sort of side swiped me the other day that i'm 26 years old now
it's as though i've spent the last 8 years stuck at 18
and it dawned on me that some of my fears have been completely irrational
mostly because i'm not a child and they were fears based in assumption
that i am somehow subject to some adult power
(now i understand these fears were always sort of irrational since he is on my side)
but i am the adult now, and the only thing left to fear is my own will when left to its own advances
suffice it to say i sort of finally feel like an adult now, not so much like i'm just playing "house"
woah!

some days you take in a hurried breath
let it out with painstaking slowness
and hope desperately for restoration

because its all you can do.

thoughts at six weeks...

as much as i feel so far into this experience i also feel like i've just begun.
i suppose what i feel could best be described as an awareness of the new-ness of each moment and with that the understanding that His mercies are new every morning. when i am overwhelmed by the depth of the brokenness of humanity He reminds me of this. He reminds me that He is El-Roi and Emmanuel. He sees and is with us. i don't always believe it fully but i'm learning to trust it.






p.s. new song (or 2) coming soon :)