under the influence of a certain mister frost

i've gone away from earth for a while
climbed the dark branches of a birch
& got as close as i could to heaven

now the branches bend
and as they inch closer to earth
under the weight of my not-quite-as-heavy heart
i resolve to start again
because...
earth's the right place for love
i don't know where it's likely to go better

you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows

finding myself irreducibly grateful for...
the time to bake and clean
for long rides and sing-a-longs with my lovely sister
wonderfully ridiculous conversations with the Garcia-Torres extension of my family
a father who drives for hours so that i know i'm loved
a mother and aunt whose joy it is to prepare delicious mexican food for their children and spouses
people who remind me that the best things in life are indeed free
impromptu dance parties
& most of all for Love that restores my soul and gives enough grace for each moment

surely goodness and mercy follow me

seeking and finding

i will rise now and go about the city;
in the streets and in the squares
i will seek the one i love


i'm finding him here
so good

photo by s.scolaro

cooking is at once child's play and adult joy. and cooking done with care is an act of love.
-craig claiborne, kitchen primer

a good cup of tea
delightful music
a shopping cart full of stamps
this stopped feeling like work approximately 2 hours ago.

i beginning to think that maybe seeing love tossed aside, overlooked and ignored may be just what i needed. it's awakened in me a desire to love more deeply, to live more fully.

we lost ginger and apple sometime between dusk and dawn. part of me wished i could feel even just a bit sadder. the other part understood that it was 7:30 and my emotions were still waking up. i'm feeling it now.

my sister called just as i was getting to the office. that always makes me happy. i forgot to tell her about the chickens. i was just glad i decided to go in late today.

days like today i feel hope slipping.
hope that humanity can be redeemed
hope that we will learn to love the way we were created to

i don't believe that our redeemer will fail us
rather i fear we will refuse his redemption
and not because we don't want it but because
we are to often entangled in the things that bring immediate fulfillment
we sacrifice the future for the moment
we refuse to invest in relationships that don't bring us some sort of instant satisfaction

but i think of my sister
and the lady yesterday
and the people i share life with
and i find
hope is present

he got angry and all I cared about was being right

for what it matters i don't care much of the time or the means by which i came here
just that i'm here and finding a way out
it's beginning to rot my soul
my heart has forgotten almost entirely how to love
and that without reserve
maybe putting these words down in paragraphical format would kick start the exit process
but my mind feels replaced by a halogen machine, my thoughts unsorted and rolling
paragraphs would confuse even myself

mostly i want to
+love
+be ok
+be happy when i'm wrong
+rejoice, knowing that this is not my end

someday
someday

5 days past

i like...
being with my family
stories told by people who've seen God in the face of the worst
finding new reasons to love the land of enchantment
hearing my sister laugh
listening to bad music on roadtrips
pouring over old photographs and hearing the stories behind them

i'm not ready to go home. 11 hours left. nope. don't want to leave

if the last five days have taught me anything

it's that

1. everything really is bigger in Texas
2. sometimes you just have to let go and let life have its way with you
3. i come from a family of very good looking people.
4. i don't like leaving my family. nope. not at all.

5. things never turn out the way you imagine. life's better that way.

this is the fist time since leaving home seven years past that i've been tempted to move back. reason number one being my favorite coffee shop is hiring bakers. reason number two is that i really enjoy my family these days. even though i get little to no sleep when i'm with them and even when we spend most of our time arguing, i can sit back and feel nothing but love for each of them. maybe its more i know that soon i won't be able to see them as often. that's an unpleasant thought.

i've less than 12 hours here.

planning to make the most of each one.

when my heart is weary

the sight of your face is all i need

good friends 'round a fire on a summer night.
its all more than i could have hoped for.
a bit like magic, really.

summer so far

has included...

+ dinner parties on the patio with good people
+ countless batches of homemade sorbet and ice cream
+ eating lots of yummy salads
+ late morning breakfast with lovely ladies
+ spending time with my delightful family
+ wonderful conversations over coffee and tea
+ mango and berries in everything
+ the invigorating smell of fresh mountain air
+ wearing lots of sun dresses
+ one trip to the cherry creek farmers market
+ lots of cuddle time with D & A
+ chasing chickens back into the backyard/coop
+ celebrating the sister with good food and fireworks
+ almost getting caught by the fire marshall at 2 am
+ a four hour car ride with an old friend
+ a revival of my love for painting and sketching
+ several glasses of good wine paired with good friends telling good stories

its a good life my friends
& now onto more adventure...

oops

i found the boss' old polaroid.
i think i'm in love.
o-my-word!
l o v e l o v e l o v e

i love

or at least i'd like to think i do.
it's quickly becoming more than i can bear.

match-less is His love for me

that's what i'm learning.
still wrestling and unsure of when it will end. but even now that the mask has been removed to reveal the face of my beloved i find a deep strength and comfort in knowing that my enemy was never a true one. He is for me.

He is faithful, unchanging, unmoved.
and i love that about Him.