walking

i'm currently feeling overwhelmed by a sense of...well...i'm not sure what.
(& i apologize in advance for any confusion my thoughts may cause)
its days like these i feel (if Jesus were walking on Cherry Creek Reservoir and asked me to walk with him) i could walk on water. & its thoughts like those that wrap me in humility and draw me to the ground.
i cannot say “i’ve been good and my Lord is rewarding that goodness.” on the contrary, i've felt an inabilty to present a sacrifice of worship due to my lack of faithfulness, goodness, self control. & my pride wants Him to say "get behind me, Satan." because in some twisted way it would help me feel better if He weren't so good. & yet that is what makes humility so beautiful(and pride so vile) that i can come and sing and dance and worship out of a heart so humbled by Him that it can do nothing except everything all at once.
And this brings Peter to mind. what he must’ve felt when Jesus called him to walk on water. wonder and excitement at the thought that he was about to do something unimaginable and humanly impossible. perhaps pride at being the only one asked to come out. And then maybe the realization that he had nothing in which he could boast. it's too much to think that Jesus did this in Peters life before he “worked out his salvation,” before Peter preached to anyone, before he suffered for his faith, before he learned to think before speaking, & all the while knowing that Peter would deny Him at a most pivotal moment. Still he said “come.” how humbling to think that he says the same to us, to me. Even when I’m at my worst, only moments after my pride has risen and He has to rebuke me. Still, He says “come, experience the fullness of my presence.”
all that to say this, I’ve so much yet to learn. And He is faithful to teach.
this all sounded so much better in my head
raw humble unfiltered worship. its been the cry of my heart. and now i see him bringing it.