pensamiento impertinente

one of my very best friends recently gave birth to her second child, a beautiful little girl. I received a copy of her birth story a few days ago, just after she'd finished writing. this would be her first homebirth and every preparation had been made to make it a perfect one. I was overjoyed as I read her words and was particularly overwhelmed by her retelling of a most difficult moment...

"this was "the wall" that I had to get over. it was so big though, and I began to doubt whether I could really give birth on my own, without some kind of medication or intervention. I began to say, like a chant, "i need something for this." and "i need to go in." I got back into the pool of water, which gave me immediate relief, until my next contraction and then I was back to my mantra... 

the next time I started with my chant [the birthing assistant] said, "...instead of 'i need something' why don't you say, 'i have everything I need'" and so I changed my mantra."

my eyes welled as I read on. the strength and grace with which she faced the following moments inspired me far more than I expected. see, I've been chanting a very dangerous mantra, one that has left me feeling hopeless and needy. i've been wandering around telling myself that I need something more, that, if I don't find and possess that "something", I won't be happy. I won't be whole. I won't be any good. but that night, as I finished reading the details of the beautiful winter night that lovely little Nina Joon took her first breath of earth's air, I changed my mantra. 

I have every thing I need. I lack nothing. I will not be in want. 

& I am ever thankful to Nina Joon and her beautiful mama for reminding me.