this is grief
resting on grief
set on grief
the loss of one of the truest friends i have known to death
the loss of a part of my heart to a city i long to be in
and the loss of my true self to a crippling betrayal
these three, they are mountains on my chest weighing heavy and pushing all that's left of breath from my lungs. they are the shawdows that rise at the smallest pinprick of light, the tiniest sign of hope. they are the bastard children of a erroneous affair between my past and my present. their names Fear Shame and Longing and in their presence i have no hope
but in moments spent in the presence of grace i know it will come. i do not believe it, i cannot see it and most days i'm not sure i trust it. but i know it
he uttered something long ago and it resounds in my deepest parts. i hear the smallest whisper of it in the quiet moments. i feel it when he gives just enough grace for the moment
and for now its enough to keep me from going under.
thanks be to God
Rachel, I'm reading this repeatedly to grasp the power and truth behind these words. Thank you so much for sharing your heart, because I can see my own self in these words.
ReplyDeleteAnd for now this prayer keeps me from going under too.